Numb To Suffering? Perspective 36.

9th of July, 2018. 

I have grown up in India where there are millions of homeless and poor people. Everywhere I go, there are these families sleeping on the foot path. They lay a sheet as a their bed to sleep on everyday. Some sleep on their railway tracks because they have no where else to go. A little girl is cradling a baby and her mother is nowhere to be seen. Small children, even younger than me who are supposed to be in school come up to me and beg me to buy a pen at just Rs.10. They look into my eyes and my heart melts. There are girls and boys my age working as servants in other houses just to provide for their families, not because they want to.

They didn’t choose to be in this position. They didn’t choose to wake up on the street every morning wondering whether they’ll actually have enough money to buy themselves a little food. The little children didn’t choose to beg and plead strangers for money. But this is their life they have and it is so unfair. It breaks my heart to see them in this state. Everyday I wake up on a bed, I get food to eat and I may not like it but at least I have food to eat. There are so many things I complain about while there are some who are don’t even have the basic necessities.

Sometimes I feel that I have become numb and indifferent to their suffering. I have become used to seeing people sleeping on the streets even when it rains heavily and it’s pouring. I feel impotent, weak and helpless. I want to help them, I really do, I want to do more but how? How can I help millions of people who are suffering. The fact that I care doesn’t change the fact that there is a problem that needs to be resolved.

Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

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Zoning Out, Day Dreaming. Perspective 35.

13th of July, 2018.

Hello everyone, I was thinking about how I day dream and zone out, so I thought out I would write a post on it.

Firstly, how many of you all day dream or zone out? And when?(Be honest, we all do right?) I usually zone out during a boring lecture or sometimes when I’m watching something uninteresting or if someone talks too much. It’s actually funny when I zone out, at least to other people, because it’s like I am in this other state itself and people have to snap their fingers to wake me up.

I usually think about a conversation I had with someone or a movie that I watched or just my future and thoughts. I really enjoy being zoned out because it takes my mind away from the present sufferings or bore of life and brings you to this new and exciting place, if you know what I mean. Usually when I zone out, people think that I’m very sad or angry which is totally not true, I just need some space inside my head.

While I wouldn’t prescribe zoning out all the time because it is a distraction, I would say that it is okay to zone out from time to time because it’s like a stress buster at least for me. What do you think about day dreaming and zoning out?

Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

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Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

Self – Doubt. Perspective 34.

7th of May, 2018. 

Hello everyone ! In this post, I wanted to write about self – doubt. We all know what self – doubt is. It’s that annoying voice at the back of your head that just creeps up so often. I hear it a lot and sometimes, almost every day. Doubting oneself is something dangerous. Why ? It hinders you from doing things that you love because it creates doubts and questions your ability which will naturally make a person wonder whether or not they should carry on with their task.

When I publish a post, that annoying voice comes up and says, “What if no one reads your post? Is your blog even good compared to the other blogs out there ? I don’t think you should write about this……….” The questions and the critical comments go on and on. Even questions like Am I a good friend ? Can I do anything right ? Just so many questions pop up and it’s frustrating. Self – doubt has prevented me from doing so many activities just because I thought I wasn’t good enough and I lacked the confidence and belief in myself.

Self – doubt causes one to seek validation from others. I crave and crave validation to be frank. If I want to take part in a competition, I’ll ask my family members and say I’m not good enough intentionally just to wait for them to say, “You’re really good and you should take part.” Self – doubt is an indicator of issues like lack of confidence and belief in oneself. It’s so easy for me to tell someone else that they are good at something but when it comes to me, it seems like I have not even a dram of confidence in my abilities or in myself.

Self – doubt is real killer of  our dreams, ambitions because of the lack of confidence and faith we have in our abilities.

Dealing with Self – Doubt…………….. To be continued

Hope you liked this post. Let me how self – doubt affects you in the comments section below.

Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

Finding Myself. Perspective 33.

21st of April, 2018. 

I’m on a path to discovering myself. When I had depression, I was in this dark place for a long time. Who I was became a blur and I lost all purpose and meaning. Ever since I came out of depression, I realized that there are parts of me that I want to explore and unravel. I want to shine some light on the on those hidden aspects of myself and re-discover myself. For a long time I thought that finding myself was the most selfish thing I could ever do or even think of but someone close to me reminded me that it’s okay to find out who I really am.

I guess I got lost along the way. I wanted to help as many people as possible because when I had depression, I couldn’t help people with their problems. When I started getting better, I took every opportunity to make time for the people in my life and make sure that I was there for them 100%. The guilt consumed me. I didn’t focus on myself very much. And in the process, I lost my identity and sight of who I am.

I have so many questions that I want to get the answers to about myself like what is my passion? what do I really like ? who are the people closest to me ? what do I want out of this life ? what are my dreams ?  It’s going to be a long journey but it’s one that I’m excited to embark on. I want to really get to know me. I will keep you all updated. Let me know if any of y’all have gone through this in the comments section below.

There are always aspects of ourselves that we need to explore and discover. Don’t let them remain hidden, find out who you really are.

Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

So Much Sadness. Perspective 32.

Sadness fills my heart,
It overwhelms my soul,
I can feel the heaviness and the weight on my chest.
Everything around me becomes fuzzy,
I can barely concentrate.
I smile, I laugh and pretend everything is okay,
When in reality, it’s not.
I just don’t want anyone to find out how I’m feeling,
So I hide my sadness and put up this facade for people.
I feel so deeply,
It hurts to feel so much,
So much sadness

Breathe. Perspective 31.

29th of March, 2018.

Sometimes it feels like the world is spinning too fast. Things are happening so rapidly. Everyone is running but I’m that one runner who is lagging behind. And whenever I attempt to catch up, I get so confused and perplexed. Has anyone realised, we have already completed 3 months of 2018? How crazy is that?

There are decisions to make, responsibilities to take, people to please, exams to study for.. and I just cannot stay up to date with everything. I feel like time is slipping through my fingers.

Just breathe. Take a deep breathe in and just relax. That’s my way of dealing with all of this. Taking things one step at a time is what I have to consistently remind myself to do and things will work out the way they are supposed to in the end.

Have a wonderful day,

A Shy Introvert.

Introvert Burn Out. Perspective 30.

19th of March, 2018. 

Over the past few weeks, I have spent time with many friends and it hasn’t necessarily been face to face but also over texts and calls. I really enjoy spending time with people and just getting to know them as an individual. I love getting to know one’s likes, dislikes, experiences and just anything about them but if I’m being perfectly honestly, after a while of spending time with people, my energy reserves deplete and I need to withdraw and recharge.

I don’t want this to come off as a complaint. I love people but I do need alone time. I am an introvert after all. There is a certain limit to which I can talk to people and hear them out but then after that I need a break and just time to breathe and let my thoughts flow. (I know I am weird ) There was a time when I was ashamed of wanting to be alone because there are so many people who can just be with friends, family everyday and not get exhausted. There was a time when I hung out with a group of friends on one particular day and then they wanted to meet again the next day and then the day after that which was a lot for me to deal with.

I think part of the reason why I find it exhausting is because when I spend time with anyone, I listen to them more than anything, their burden and their stories. I tend to carry a part of their suffering unconsciously. I constantly feel the need to check up on people and make sure that they are all right and that depletes my energy reserves. People find it odd and may wonder whether they have done anything to upset me after I cancel plans or when I’m not that active on social media.

How do I unwind and recharge my batteries? By writing how I feel or my thoughts, listening to calming music, going out for a walk just because I tend to collect my thoughts better when I go out for walk (to be honest, I feel very lazy to go out for a walk so this doesn’t happen very often), cooking is also therapeutic for me and watching television shows and reading books. I think one thing people should know about introvert burn out is that it’s temporary and we do not hate you. We would sincerely appreciate if you give us some time and space to recharge.

Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

 

 

 

Intuition. Perspective 29.

26th of February, 2018. 

I was about 14 when I first had an intuitive experience. That day, I awoke to a horrible pain and an uncomfortable feeling in the gut area. I had awoken earlier than usual and I wondered why. I knew it was not a stomach ache. It couldn’t be, that pain was different. It was not anything that I had experienced before. I kept walking up and down my house trying to comprehend as to why I was experiencing such agony.

Then it hit me, what if I was experiencing someone else’s pain? I knew what empathy  was. So I kept reciting names of people who were close to me and I decided that if I say a certain name and the pain subsides, then that means that I found the person. It was a very unusual experience but I realized that that was the only way I could get rid of the pain. And as I recited one of the names of the people closest to me, the pain subsided, I felt a little peace. I found the person but how was I to explain to them that I was carrying their pain?

So anyway, I decided to meet this person and tell them. This person, let’s call him/her John. John was in a very agitated mood when I met him. I asked him how he was but he refused to tell me and then I asked him if he slept well and he said no. So, I told him how I felt and how I had woken up early in the morning. And he told me about something that had really upset him and hence, he hadn’t slept well. That experience was surreal and it was my first intuitive experience.

From that day, I have had other experiences with my intuition, some have been right and others wrong. But it amazes me each and every time how the intuition works. I distinctively remember chatting with this person and experiencing a very uncomfortable feeling that would not subside. So I stopped chatting with this person and later I found out some not very pleasing information about them.

There are have been many times when I have ignored this annoying, uncomfortable feeling out of a fear of being wrong or just because I wanted too. But lately, I have realized, how important it is to follow my intuition carefully because it saves me from danger.

Thank you for reading ! Let me know if you have had any intuitive experience or what your thoughts are on intuition 🙂

Lots of Love,

A Shy Introvert.

A Relapse of Depression. Perspective 28.

21st of February, 2018.

I had severe depression for the last 3 years and I was able to get help for it. But even though I’m fine now, what scares me the most is that I will experience another bout of depression and last month I was close to having a relapse of depression which was very scary for me.

Last month, I had many assignments and a major life change occurred which gave me a lot of anxiety and left me restless. I started panicking and I would have anxious thoughts every now and then. I started questioning my life and my purpose. I felt that living was futile and then I became scared when I realized I might be having a relapse of depression. It was a really scary moment in my life.

I ended up going to church. Church has always been the place that provides me with solace and comfort during my dark days and after going there, I know it will be odd to some of you, but I felt at peace and I just knew that everything was going to be okay. I realized it was pointless worrying and crying and I picked myself up. I listened to music which really uplifted my spirits and I also wrote which always cheers me up. And I was able to steer myself away from a near relapse of depression.

I am still afraid of having a relapse of depression. I feel like depression is like a robber that lurks around the house and waits to steal the wealth ( my joy ) of the house ( me ) . I feel more confident now because I have some ideas on how to prevent depression from bothering me again. Some of the ways are –

1. Listen to Music – By listening to upbeat and positive songs, I felt joyful and face all the challenges.

2. Talk to Friends or Family- Just by talking to my friends and catching up with them, I felt much better.

3. Reading Positive Quotes – I love collecting quotes because it really cheers me up. Reading my collection of quotes really helped me.

4. Doing something you love – If it’s going out for a walk, playing an instrument or cooking, do whatever makes you happy. For me it was writing.

These are some of the ways that helped me recover. I am so much better now. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone. You are so worth it and your life is meaningful and you are needed on this earth for a purpose. Some of the quotes that helped me –

Lots of love,

A Shy Introvert.